When Tradition Feels Like a Trap: Unpacking the Trad Wife Dilemma

We are quick to judge others for their choices. Indeed, judgement remains a fundamental human pastime. Within that comes the fear of the unknown and a staunch rejection of that which we’re unable to reconcile with our preconceptions or simply don’t understand. ‘Trad wives’, as they have been coined on social media, is hardly a new concept. But they represent a fundamental shift from the image of the modern woman that we have come to know and, although not exclusively, accept.

For most of us, particularly us lucky enough to be educated somewhere like St Andrews, where the idea of independence and knowledge are fundamental stepping stones in our education, it’s too easy to scoff at a trad wives’ lifestyle. When thinking about it, I’m guessing the most prominent image playing in your head is kneading sourdough and frolicking around in milkmaid dresses, and frankly, that wouldn’t be wrong. Importantly, the re-emergence of traditional wives and therefore the traditional expectations of women directly clash with feminist predispositions and are fundamentally considered maladaptive to the hard-fought gains of equality movements.

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I believe, however, that there is an important distinction to be made between ‘trad’ wives and the actual traditions they attempt to emulate.

Throughout history, we can see how female autonomy has been erased. Forced into subservient roles, particularly as mothers above all else. Unfortunately, the term held little reverence beyond the ability to bear children, thus making women little better than breeding stock while their male counterparts were allowed and expected to take on leadership roles. It is hardly surprising, therefore, that when we were finally allowed the dignity of choice and basic human freedom. Women attempted to elevate themselves alongside men not only as equals but in many instances, as better.  Resultantly, women then began to move away from the traditional maternal role, forfeiting family in favour of a career. As this, however, amalgamated into the admittedly cringe-worthy “girl-boss” movement, trad wives began to re-emerge themselves a counter the idea of the family-free, career-oriented lifestyle.

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The very name suggests a regression to traditional living and expectations of the role of women. But perhaps the emergence of the trad wives isn’t regressive at all, but rather, a reinforcement of the nuclear family. It blatantly obvious how much our conceptions of family have been changed. Traditional family models have now given way to more diverse household structures. In this changing social landscape, trad wives represent a countercultural movement, advocating for more strictly defined gender roles. But while we should perhaps consider the choice to return to traditional values as just that, an empowered choice, it is instead more frequently treated with disdain. A retreat into outdated ideals.

Perhaps, however, we hate the idea of traditional wives because the idea that a woman wishes to work in the home rather than in the office is inherently “un-masculine” and so confronts the internalised pressure women feel to present themselves in a way that will gain us respect in the patriarchy. But isn’t that mindset paradoxical to the ideas of feminism? The idea of the right of choice? Isn’t the criticism of the traditional lifestyle, one that is chosen, rather than forced dismissing the idea of female autonomy which the same critics preach? Considering this, at what point might we admit that choice is right and free, but only when it reinforces our preconceptions of successful womanhood?

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Having just watched the new Netflix series, Adolescence, it occurred to me what a powerful tool of persuasion social media is. How, in the case of the show, a young boy was convinced by online personalities to despise women so ardently that it drove him to murder.

While I certainly don’t believe the trad wife movement is even remotely as detrimental as the “manosphere”, it is important to note that they embody key similarities: to resist the new order and return to traditional gender roles. For men, this is exuding mental and physical superiority over their female counterparts whereas for women, it is reverting to the solely maternal, home-making roles of the past. Thus, the question is, how can we freely choose between traditional and modern lifestyles without subverting the very principle of freedom itself?

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Ultimately, the trad wife movements reflect the deeper societal tensions between progress and stagnation, tradition and modernism and fundamentally, autonomy and expectation. Whether it is being critiqued or praised, the emergence of trad wives highlights the ongoing debate about female identity, traditional gender roles and the evolving meaning of family.