Dear Dating Diva,
It’s midway through cuffing season and there are no prospects in sight. This school gives me such mixed signals! Crushdrews and Confessdrews make it seem like there are loads of people pining away, but the moment I log out of Instagram and go out into the real world the opposite seems true. People check me out in the library or on the street, but no one ever makes a move (to be fair the same is true of me). How do I encourage someone to make the first move? On the flipside, how do I make the first move?
Thanks,
Alone for the Holidays
Dear Alone for the Holidays,
It’s rough out here in St. Andrews! I totally agree with you about how people really don’t make the first move here. Is this because of dating apps? Possibly… but that’s an article for another time.
For the sake of my advice, let’s assume you’re at the library or some other public space and you see a cute stranger. Here are some tips:
Make eye contact… not in a creepy way, just try to catch their eye. You don’t want stare into their soul.
Smile! Once you’ve made eye contact once or twice, up the ante a little with a smile. Just a little, closed mouth one.
Reflect…have they smiled back? Do they seem interested?
If so, congratulations! You have three options: leave it there and wait until the next time you see them to continue your nonverbal flirting or surreptitiously give them your number (notice I said number and not Instagram or Snapchat…let’s leave that for secondary students). If you choose the latter option, make sure you use your best handwriting. I think we can all agree bad handwriting is kind of a turn-off. The third option would be, if you’re not on a silent floor of library, going up to them and complimenting them. Think style, hair, jewelry, etc. Nothing overtly physical. Keep it PG, polite, and to the point. Just a quick ‘oh by the way I love your (insert compliment)’ and then you’re out. Maybe they respond with something more than a ‘thanks’ and that’s your cue to keep chatting a bit. It’s important to read their social cues. Do they want to keep talking to you? Or do they want to get back to whatever it was they were doing before you walked up to them?
I hope these tips will prove fruitful. Remember that sometimes you have to make the first move. And, if you hear the dreaded words ‘I have a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend’, it’s not the end of the world. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, especially in the library during exam and deadline season.
Good luck and happy holidays,
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