Dear Dating Diva,
I’m in the so-called talking stage with this guy and I want to take us to the next level (aka an actual relationship). We met a couple weeks ago and we’re constantly texting, but we haven’t really gone on any dates. I really like him, and our conversations are amazing I keep dropping hints, but he is not picking them up. Am I wasting my time, or do I have a shot with this guy? How do I get out of the talking stage?
Help me,
Pining Peter
Dear Pining Peter,
I’m sorry that you’re in the purgatory that is the talking stage. It’s an unfortunate reality for many in the modern-day dating scene. What I’m going to prescribe may seem drastic, but regardless of whether the results are positive or negative, they will give you clarity.
Back off. Cold turkey. Don’t initiate conversations and take your sweet time responding (at least a couple of hours). Don’t suggest meeting up with him. Basically, have no initiative. Show him you have a life that doesn’t revolve around him. You’re booked, busy, and unavailable. Even if this isn’t true, act like it is (and maybe pick up some new hobbies while you’re at it).
Doing this will allow you to see if you have been putting more effort and initiative in than he has. And boy, nothing makes for a rude awakening than realising that a guy doesn’t care. If he doesn’t text you, he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t want to see you, he doesn’t care. That is the unfortunate reality. Excuses are all well and good shielding us from heartbreak, but lacking self-respect should break your heart even more.
However, if he is initiating conversations, congrats! If this is the case, you know what they say… distance makes the heart grow fonder. If he asks to see you, make sure it’s not a spur of the moment thing. Make him schedule it well in advance. Say something like ‘I have a crazy week, but I could do dinner on Saturday’. Ideally, you’re saying this at least several days in advance.
You need to have the mindset that you’re a hot commodity and anyone would be lucky to date you. Act accordingly. Why accept scraps when you deserve the whole enchilada? Perhaps not one from Scotland, but you get my point.
The bottom line is to act with self-respect. Don’t let this guy walk all over you like you’re a Macintosh hall carpet. If you don’t want a casual fling, don’t act like you’d be okay with that. Keep your conversations long in person and brief on the phone. And, if he’s not initiating anything, keep your head held high and move on. If you’re revenge motivated, don’t do anything rash. Revenge is best served cold (and, in this case, being seen with another guy).
Keep your head held high and those text messages dry,
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