Trying to find the balance between lectures and societies should be worth at least half of my grade. Back in fresher’s week, I think I might have blacked out and gone slightly insane when I was signing up for things and I am more than paying the price for it now but I’ll be damned if I let those membership fees go to waste.
I think it's because of the arduous toil of keeping up a social life as fabulous as mine that when I sit down in a warm lecture theatre my first response is to yawn and open the New York Times puzzles on my tablet, rather than the lecture slides. My (predictably colour-coded) Google Calendar is absolutely packed with different events going on at different times, and I keep forgetting that the little bits that say “CO1001” (or whatever) on them aren't optional.
Lectures are so easy to romanticise but simultaneously so, so easy to dread and the amount of prep and follow-up work I could do makes my head spin every time. But hey, at least I’ll never be bored, right?
I have to say at the moment I'm a bit worried that the content is flying completely over my head. I'm taking notes and everything, I promise, I just don't know how to get the facts to stick in my head in a way I can understand. Lecturers say they don't expect prior knowledge of certain subjects but it feels like there are points they're making that would be a lot clearer with the addition of some context clues.
Credit: Louise Millar.
Everyone else seems to know what they're doing and can walk out of the lectures confidently debating and critiquing the content covered with their pretty, smiling, perfectly dressed, diverse group of friends (something I can at present only dream of), yet for some reason I still walk out of the lectures alone with my massive backpack, a cramped hand, and no clue what was going on the entire time.
Does it get easier? It had better - I'm starting to get stressed about how quickly the time passes and these deadlines are - less creeping, more barrelling thunderously toward me - at an alarming pace.
I'm stuck at this point between attending every lecture and being behind on essays and skipping lectures to catch up on work but then playing catch-up on the lecture I just missed. I can watch them on 2x speed at least - if I even find the motivation to do it! I kept going as I did at high school and set myself so many internal deadlines, but there seems to be something in the air preventing me from being anywhere near as productive as I was, literally 4 months ago.
I don't know if it's because I'm biting off more than I can chew, or if it's because of the absolute fear of actually having to sit still for 2 hours and read words I'm not really understanding, but there is definitely some sort of magical force trying to stop me from doing the work that would actually help me understand what's going on. But everything happens for a reason, right? Doing my readings is probably distracting me from making the life-changing discovery that will save the world anyway.
And I want to know - does the experience of lectures ever get any less overwhelming? I'm sitting there, either freezing or roasting alive, in a massive lecture theatre with about 100 other people, yet there's still nobody to talk to when the lecturer tells us to discuss with our partners (nobody told me there would be audience engagement in our lectures!).
Credit: Louise Millar.
I'm desperately trying to focus and take comprehensive notes like the diligent first-year I am, but I'm not able to fully focus because my brain is preoccupied with blocking out the constant coughing, noise of constant typing that sounds like a thunderstorm on corrugated iron, and the three people speaking IN FRENCH right behind me. Arguably, then, it's no wonder I can't focus, and it's not my fault at all that I'm behind on work - right?
So is anyone able to explain to me how I keep my eyes open in a lecture about the niche political landscape of 19th century rural Galicia? I’m doing everything I can, I promise! I’ve watched so many random YouTube videos titled something along the lines of “How to be an academic weapon in lectures” – I’ve even branched out to TikTok videos on 2x at this point to get the most tips in the least time.
I prepare in any way I can think, and every possible surface in my space is covered with the Pinterest-ified dream that is my “Academic Vision Board 2024/25”. In lectures, I scribble so furiously that at some points I’m genuinely afraid that my tablet will set on fire. And yet, alas, alack, I still feel the stupidest person in the room. So can one of you geniuses please tell me why I can’t, no matter how much I want it, manage to pay attention in lectures?
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