Sex and the Small Town: Why is St Andrews So Sexless?
It's the complaint that comes up time and time again, lamented on by students until entire
friend groups are blue in the face: what is it about this town that has caused the dating scene to wither away to the sad state we find it in today?
My friend group consists of beautiful, interesting, talented women – none of whom should
struggle to find partners, should they be seeking them. Yet only two of these women are in
relationships, with both of these relationships having begun back home. Amongst the rest,
none of us struggle to meet people outside of St. Andrews, be that flirting with strangers in
pubs or the odd club make-out. But somehow, the second we hop on the 99 and pass that "Welcome to St Andrews" sign, any promise of romance seems to fizzle up and die.
Partially, this could be explained by the fact that, as mentioned, we simply are not looking for
relationships as deliberately. The idea of decentering men is gaining popularity among young
women, many of whom are instead choosing to focus on friends, hobbies, academic success,
and other, dare I say more fulfilling ventures than men? Crocheting, for example, will never
tell people from your hometown that you two are in an open relationship in order to cheat on
you for a year while you live 100 miles away in blissful ignorance. But even accounting for this, the situation here should not be this dire. So, let's get into some of my pet theories as to how we've ended up here.
Firstly, I think the issue of size cannot be overstated. We live in a very small town. Everyone
is everywhere, knows everyone, and everything. If you go back to someone's flat, you'll
recognise their flatmate from your first-year tutorial. If you reconnect with an ex (assuming
you have managed to even acquire an ex in this romantic hellhole), people will find out. If
things go badly, you will see them to an almost improbable extent, and their friend will date
your friend, and it will be a headache. (Note: this rule is extra applicable in sapphic circles.
Somehow, we all know each other.) And the size issue also translates into fewer date spots. A
cinema date becomes a lot less charming when your only option is whatever T-Squared has
deemed the most profitable to show in their tiny screening rooms.
Speaking of T-Squared, and other such date spots (if you can call them that) in town: they are
all so, so expensive. How is a girl supposed to chivalrously pay for her date's dinner and
drinks when one meal can work out to the equivalent of a month's rent in one of Scotland's
more affordable cities? Perhaps that is a touch exaggerated. But seriously, I am looking for
recommendations because I cannot keep bringing dates to Brewco.
At this point, you may be saying to yourself: Oh well, Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, if you're
looking for something cheap, why don't you just bring them back to your house? It's free after
all! And to that I would reply that I have a single bed, and I share a house with four people
where the walls are paper thin. My house is so unconducive to hooking up that I think my
landlord might have used the Olympic Village as their interior design inspiration.
Now, I know this all sounds very bleak. You may be wondering if there is any hope for you at
all. But to all you freshers, unlucky-in-love returning students, and fellow third-years trying
to cannonball back into the dating pool after breaking up with your long-distance boyfriend
who you tried to make it work with for the first two years of university even though everyone
around you was begging for you to end things, I say: don't panic yet. I have the solution.
Admittedly, I think "solution" is perhaps a bit ambitious. I don't think I have an exact fix so
much as I have a string of hare-brained plots I plan to enact over the coming year in order to
keep my friends entertained with stories of my vaguely humbling dating life. At the end of
the day, though, what my theory boils down to is the philosophy that maybe we just need to
take dating in this town less seriously. (Note: Here, I want to be very clear, because this is
risky advice. I do not mean this in support of situationships. Stay safe out there, guys.)
But whether you're looking to indulge in love, lust, or, god forbid, maybe both if you're particularly
optimistic, if we as a collective focus less on looking for someone else, and more on looking
out for ourselves, I think maybe the downsides of the small town can be reworked to our
advantage.
So, this is your sign to stop putting yourself in debt to pay for dinner. If they can't handle a
Blackhorn on the first date, maybe they're just not the one for you. And sure, maybe it's a
recession indicator that I'm trying to romanticise bringing someone back to my single bed –
but it's what I've got, and by god I will work with it. And maybe it will be messy if I join a
society, date a member, break up, and keep attending! But maybe this is the reality of trying
to have some sort of a sex life in St Andrews. And hey, if there ever was a time for mess, it's
now.
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