The Year Gap, Or: My Discomfort with Dating Freshers
St Andrews has been full of new faces lately. And yet, for returning students, the dating scene doesn’t seem to have been as rejuvenated by the town’s new blood as some may have hoped. Why is this?
Allow me to begin to answer my own question with a personal anecdote. I was recently in Spoons with some friends when, to our great amusement, a handsome young man struck up a conversation with one of them at the bar. They seemed to be hitting it off – until he revealed himself to be a fresher, and she outed herself as a third year. The revelations were met with mutual disgust, and they both scurried away in shame.Of course, my lovely friend is gay, so the poor young fresher never really had a shot anyway, but that’s not the point. No, what really struck me was that, on both sides, the year gap made the thought of entertaining the other as a romantic prospect absolutely inconceivable.
Outside of the uni bubble, two years is nothing. In five years’ time, it will be meaningless. Even at school, dating someone a couple of years older seemed less taboo. So why is it such a big deal here?
Maybe it’s that the four years we spend here completing our degrees are a time of such drastic change that we need someone to meet us where we are – not where we were a year or two ago. Or maybe it’s just that I would rather date someone who can cook a little more than pesto pasta.
Just kidding. If I added that to my list of dating requirements, I’d probably have to swear off men entirely. (Would that be such a bad thing? I digress.)
But the other thing I’ve noticed is that this discomfort isn’t just age-related. A couple of weeks ago, I met a seemingly great guy around my age – an ideal love interest!
Then horror struck. He was a fresher – fresh out of a gap year. I had no choice but to make a swift exit. I felt like a cougar. I was practically expecting a visit from Chris Hansen. He was perfect on paper, but he was a fresher – and apparently that is where I draw the line.
Like I said, this discomfort spans both sides of the divide. I remember being a fresher (guys, I was young and cool once too!) and feeling very out of my depth when I realised that my dating options now included people who paid their own rent, organised things like Wi-Fi and the heating bill, and had given real thought to which finance internships they’d be applying for that summer. Meanwhile, my mum had cooked every meal I’d eaten until the week before.
So, to finally answer my own question: I think the core problem we run into with inter-year dating is that people tend to bond over shared experiences. I’m not saying you need to have everything in common – but the life of someone who has just moved out for the first time probably won’t align with that of someone who’s been fending for themselves for a couple of years.That said, it’s all about compatibility! So, if you and your year-gap beau are two peas in a pod, then I’m all for it. I am, after all, a true hopeless romantic. (Emphasis on hopeless.)
But it’s also important to remember that people are allowed to have dating preferences. And personally – while I’m sure all of you freshers are lovely people – my preference is that my date does not remind me of my little brother.
Call me when you get to second year, okay?
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